Update

I keep getting told I should apologize to my aunt. That because I told her she needed to be considerate of me, I was out of line. I have yet to apologize. I'm basically trying to figure out a way to smooth things over without actually apologizing. Because I know I won't get one from her. My mom also said I owed my sisters an apology. So I apologized...and got "I know". But before I apologized, I told my mom that I wanted an apology as well. She didn't seem to understand why. That was the point where I decided I wasn't going to apologize just because it would make things better.

I feel outrageously guilty. My mom managed to lay it on thick. I've been fighting the feeling that I should call my aunt and apologize for days. But I know the only reason I want to do that is to make her life easier, to make it better. Not because I feel like I owe anybody an apology. And that knowledge is the only thing keeping me strong. I also told my mom that I want respect as an adult. I don't want them telling me when they're going to show up, calling me 10 mins before they arrive, etc. Treat me like you would any other adult with an infant.

I have recognized that I have PPD. The Prozac is keeping it under control, but it's not gone. I'm trying very hard to deal with it on my own, but am also looking for a support group for PPD. I plan on asking the social worker at my BF'ing group if she can point me in the right direction. I also need to make an appt with my FP to talk about the dosage of the medication. My mom still doesn't understand why I'm having such a hard time dealing with things. I don't know how to explain it better, so I'm just leaving it alone and trying not to take her "advice" too personally.

I think I at least need a new mom's group or something. My BF'ing group is nice, and i love my online ladies, but I need adult lady contact, i think...without the guilt my family gives me.

All or nothing?

Okay. So...my family disowned me. That doesn't mean that I disowned them. I love my Mom and no matter what happened I would not deprive her of a relationship with her only grandchild. She was upset because I didn't call after Lil'G's appt on Friday. She was fussy and I was so busy dealing with her, it didn't cross my mind to call Grandma right away and let her know that everything is fine. So anyway. Called her last night. She cried the whole time. She didn't think I would call. What? I have called once a week every week for the past 10 years (give or take). Why on this green earth would I not call? Oh...yeah...because I asked your overbearing sisters to not visit me 2 days after I was discharged. Apparently, my family doesn't grasp the concept of "on my terms". I'm sure, eventually, we'll get it figured out. Just blows my mind that my family thinks the only way to have a relationship with them is on their terms.

On another note, Lil'G's cyst blistered and popped. It appears to be healing today. I hope it doesn't get infected. She's too little for surgery right now. i would like to be able to put it off until she's a little bigger if at all possible. Currently, there is no indication that it's become infected. You can see the points where it burst open, but they are scabbed over and appear to be closed again. Oh...and her umbilical stump fell off today...YAY!