It's a girl...and other ramblings

Okay...so we FINALLY got our ultrasound. It's a girl...it's as close to 100% as you can be about a girl...there was no question when we got the glory shot. I thought I would be a little less excited about it, but I'm not. Part of me is giddy with the idea of all the cute dresses and stuff. And the idea that my baby could potentially be the flower girl at my wedding (if we get married). Ring bearers are cute and all...but come on...everybody knows the flower girl steals the show.

I made it through Christmas without killing anybody...barely. My sister can say the most hurtful things and I really think she thinks she's being funny. She also seems to think it's silly that I won't take Ibuprofen (because it's chemically related to a drug that causes heart defects in 1 in 32 babies), but that I will have a small (4 oz) glass of wine every now and then when I'm stressed. Apparently FAS happens if you even ingest a small amount of wine. Too bad the researchers don't know this.

I had my glucose screening...that went okay...until about 4 hours later when I crashed hard. I don't generally feed my body that much sugar in a day, let alone 5 minutes...I had to take a nap because my bowels were messed up, my head hurt...it was bad. Keeping my fingers crossed that I don't fail and have to take the 3 hour one...that would suck even more...

Not sure what else is going on...Mom invited D and me to New Year's dinner...I love her to death and I know we're invited (it's an open invite), but I'm just not into driving 3.5 hours for dinner...or seeing my family again that soon after Christmas. Especially some of the snarky/snide comments my aunts made just before I left. I plan on going home to visit at least one, if not two more weekends before the baby is born...but I want them to be chill, non-stressful, non-holiday weekends where I can really just enjoy my family for the people I know them to be and not the people they turn into during holidays.

I feel a little guilty. I was reading a friends' blog...and it's so...philosophical and insightful. I mostly complain and talk about food...For some reason, this made me feel somewhat inadequate as a blog-writer. But I realize that blogs are what you want them to be...and I'm not 100% philosophical, so my blogs would be few and far between while I waited for that wonderful insight. As soon as D scans the u/s pics, I'll get them posted. Even the creepy 2D alien baby...but not the creepy 3D horror baby. Those are just WEIRD.

Cookie Madness

Okay...so cookie madness has ensued. The following are recipes that I have made in order to try something new and exciting...mostly they are new and not truly exciting.

Caramel Macchiato Cookies

1 1/2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar, packed
1/3 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/3 cup vegetable shortening
1 tablespoon espresso powder
1 large egg
1 egg yolk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/3 cup Kraft caramel bits (more if you like)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a couple of cookie sheets with parchment.

Stir together flour, baking soda and salt; Set aside.

Using high speed of an electric mixer, beat both sugars, butter and shortening until creamy. Beat in espresso powder. Reduce speed to low and mix in egg, egg yolk and vanilla – do not overbeat after adding the egg. Add flour mixture to butter mixture and stir until flour is incorporated. Add chocolate chips and caramel bits.

Drop cookies by teaspoonfuls onto baking sheets. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until golden around edges and set. Transfer to a rack to cool.

Chocolate Peppermint Pinwheel Cookies

Ingredients

• 1 batch Sugar Cookies, recipe follows
• 3 ounces unsweetened chocolate, melted
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 egg yolk
• 1 teaspoon peppermint extract
• 1/2 cup crushed candy canes or peppermint candies

Directions

Divide the dough in half and add chocolate and vanilla to 1 half and incorporate with hands. Add egg yolk, peppermint extract, and crushed candy to other half of dough and incorporate with hands. Cover both with plastic and chill for approximately 5 minutes. Roll out doughs separately to approximately 1/4-inch thickness. Place peppermint dough on top of chocolate and press together around the edges. Using waxed paper or flexible cutting board underneath, roll dough into log. Wrap in waxed paper and refrigerate for 2 hours.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Remove dough from the refrigerator and cut into 1/2-inch slices. Place cookies 1-inch apart on greased baking sheet, parchment, or silicone baking mat and bake for 12 to 13 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through cooking time. Remove from oven and let sit on baking sheet for 2 minutes, then move to a wire rack to cool completely. Store in an airtight container for up to 1 week.

Sugar Cookie:

3 cups all-purpose flour

3/4 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 cup sugar

1 egg, beaten

1 tablespoon milk

Powdered sugar, for rolling out dough

Sift together flour, baking powder, and salt. Set aside. Place butter and sugar in large bowl of electric stand mixer and beat until light in color. Add egg and milk and beat to combine. Put mixer on low speed, gradually add flour, and beat until mixture pulls away from the side of the bowl

Peppermint Cream Cheese Cookie

2 sticks (1 cup) salted butter

4 oz cream cheese

2 3/4 cups granulated sugar

1 large egg

1 tablespoon peppermint extract (or to taste)

3 1/2 cups flour

Using an electric mixer, blend first 3 ingredients until smooth. Add egg and extract. Blend until mixture is light and fluffy, almost like a spreadable frosting consistency. Slowly add flour, about 1 cup at a time. The cookie dough will be sticky. Separate dough into flat rounds; wrap between plastic wrap and chill for 1 hour or in freezer for 30 minutes. Roll dough flat to desired thickness. Cut with cookies cutters and bake at 325 degrees to desired doneness.

I am going to take the cream cheese recipe and make a chocolate dough out of it as well...then drizzle it with melted caramel.

The first recipe was pretty good...but lost the coffee flavor.

The second recipe needed a boost on the peppermint flavor

The third recipe got a boost on peppermint flavor, but the cookies are crazy-hard...almost like peppermint snaps.

What do you mean, you don't take patients like me?!

Soo...

Just an update on the doctor situation. I went to the new doc. Filled out paperwork, etc. Get into the room and the nurse says "Well, I guess we don't take women as far along as you are." "umm...excuse me? You knew how far along I was when I made this appointment a month ago." After some attempts at explaining, which all failed, she went and got the doctor.

Apparently, the doctor does "shared care" with an OB clinic in CR. They failed to inform me of this. We talked it over and she will be my primary care provider and "refer" me to the OB clinic.

Baby is doing good, as far as she can tell...HR at 140-145. She seemed concerned that the docs at the previous clinic said the HR was 120 and weren't concerned. She also seemed surprised that I haven't had a 20 wk ultrasound. She is pretty sure that the OB will want one. This will be awesome, because I had pretty much given up hope of having a chance at finding out the sex.

Blah day

Dunno what's going on, but I have slept for 18 hours and am about ready for bed again...I slept from 3-9 last night...got up...did a few things...by 1pm was on the couch...napped until I forced myself up at 6:30...and am now ready for bed again. I don't know what the deal is, but I'm exhausted.

The holiday party for work was a blast...gambled for prizes (I won vintage clue)...buffet of amazing food...I had:

Blackened Halibut with mango salsa/chutney

Caesar salad (and no, I didn't ask what was in the damn dressing)

green beans

wild rice

prime rib (it was oh so rare and oh so good)

and pecan pie....

Oh yeah...and it was open bar so I got about 8 pints of water in me.

I then ditched DBF at the hotel room and went to my favorite bar which was nearby and saw a few people I haven't seen in forever...they're so excited about the baby...and a few who were not, but rather just happy to see me! It was such a good time...and a nice mini-vacation...the company picked up the tab on the hotel room, as well...just wish I would have had an easier time sleeping...stupid random noises, drunk students from the pedestrian mall, and strange bed...but I still enjoyed it!

Holidays...woo

Okay...just a little catch-up and then on to the main event!

I got my doctor switched...YAY! Medicaid was going to fight me and then they heard the words "private insurance" and let me have my way. I go see her Dec 16. I'm excited and nervous because of all the problems that ensued at the last doctor's office.

I love my family...I do...I just wish they wouldn't think they're so much better than everybody else...including the rest of the family. I convinced D to go with me to Thanksgiving. I am sorry I did. Everything I dislike about my family made him want to beat the shit out of them. The main problem? They have a high-and-mighty attitude which they use to "snipe" people out of the blue.

Once again, they asked what we were naming the baby. When I repeated the names, they acted like I said something that consisted only of the consonants X, Z, and P...then my little sister told me she was going to call it Gwenny, no matter what I said. Umm...thanks...glad to know you respect my ability to name my child. D got up to go smoke at this point before he killed my sister. My aunt proceeded to browbeat my younger cousin because she "acted stupid"...without ever elaborating on what "stupidity" was being berated...rather uncomfortable for a visitor to sit and watch.

To top it all off, my entire family attempts to crowd into a tiny house that contains 3 general rooms...for a total square footage of MAYBE 500 ft...and that's for living room, kitchen, and dining room...not exactly spacious...and then they try to cram 20 people into these rooms. I tried explaining to my mom how much it sucked to constantly be judged...she doesn't see the judgement. The worst is, I do NOT want my child to be subject to the same attitude. D has talked about moving to CA in a few years to work for a power company maintaining their network. I can only hope it goes through. I want my child to know the importance of family...I just really don't want them to have to be constantly judged and found wanting. I think D is thinking the same thing, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings and actually say it.

Ultrasounds and baby's sex...ugh

Various things have made me consider switching doctors, and today's visit just made me even more frustrated. I got in, and they said "You're 19 weeks 1 day, right?" I said, "yes". Normally they have had me 2 weeks ahead of everybody's count, so I assumed they were going off LMP.

Not so. They just messed up, and while the ultrasound said I was one thing, the doctor's office never changed my records to reflect that. Nice, huh? So then I was talking to the doctor and she asks "You haven't had your H1N1 shot?" "Yes, I got it 2 weeks ago. I even saw Dr. Rahje briefly because the schedulers entered my visit in incorrectly." "There's no record of it. Let me go check with my nurse." So she goes and checks. "Oh...you haven't had the SEASONAL shot." "That's right, your nurse was going to give it to me today." Okay.

Oh yeah...and because they had my dates all messed up, they drew my blood too early for the quad-screen...so I had to have blood re-drawn today. How thrilling.

The lack of communication really gets me going. Combine this with the fact that I diligently searched all Medicaid information I could find to see if they would cover a second routine ultrasound during my pregnancy. You can't believe me excitement when I found out they did! I would get to see the baby when it looked like a baby (and not a blob) and maybe, hopefully, find out if it was a boy or a girl.

Those hopes were nearly destroyed today when I asked about scheduling it and she told me that they don't do routine ultrasounds because "your insurance may not cover it." I said "Well...I only asked because I know Medicaid covers 2 ultrasounds per pregnancy." She then informed me that she usually finds some "reason" to send somebody to get one, but not until they're 25 to 27 weeks. Do the math. That's JANUARY! Women who are almost a month behind me in their pregnancy know what they're having. I nearly cried. I have had the single most uneventful pregnancy I've ever heard of. Good luck finding some miracle reason to have an ultrasound.

I don't even feel like I need to know, I think I was just excited to see a baby. For it to be more real.

On a brighter note, I was lying on my back in bed with my hands on my belly and I felt the baby kick from the outside. So I guess there's that.

Cravings

Okay...so, being pregnant for the first time...cravings are killing me. They're weird, too. Not weird, like pickles and ice cream weird, but weird in that I want EVERYTHING I had as a kid...Spaghettios, ramen, beef stew, hamburger helper...the list goes on and on. There's only one craving, however, that I had to have RIGHT AWAY. Watermelon with salt on it. I have no idea why...but I did. I'm currently staring down the ingredients to two things: Banana bread and crab rangoons.

No, I am not eating them together.

My workplace provides fresh fruit...and I take the brown bananas home and reincarnate them into delicious banana bread and take that back to work. I am attempting to turn Grandma's banana bread recipe into muffins. The last attempt was rather a bit of a fail. Discovered the hard way I couldn't bake two pans of muffins at the same time in my oven. Also, they are distinctly MUCH more dry than the loaves of bread...and the moistness of the bread is the reason I like it so much...so I'm exploring options for making the bread into muffins without losing the moistness (which apparently most people dislike...weirdos).

Alright...so now for the fun part...the wonderfulness that is my grandma's banana bread recipe:

2 bananas (mashed fine)
1c sugar
2 eggs (beaten thoroughly)
1/4t salt
2c flour
3T sweet milk
1t vanilla
1/2t baking soda
1/2t baking powder
1/2c butter (melted)
1/2c walnuts (optional)

1. Gradually add sugar to melted butter.
2. Mix in eggs
3. Add bananas
4. Sift in dry ingredients
5. Add milk, nuts, and vanilla
6. Bake in a greased and floured pan at 350 for approximately one hour.


Yup, that's it...for banana bread that will have people drooling.

ETA: I have just discovered a way to convert this into muffins (because usually bread recipes wind up dry...bleh)...Add 2 bananas and an extra T of sweet milk for more moist muffins with a wonderful sugary crust

The crab rangoons, there is no recipe for. Just get some wonton wrappers, cream cheese, krab or crab, green onions. mix the chopped green onions, crab and cream cheese until you like the mix. Fill the wontons, freeze, and then fry when you're ready. They're amazing.

As I have more cravings, I'll add the recipes. I have found that indulging your cravings doesn't necessarily need to be expensive or unhealthy...as long as you do it in moderation and make it at home.

ETA: I have a coworker who is allergic to eggs...so in looking for substitutions, I found out that you can exchange bananas for eggs in recipes like this one. So I tried it. It was the egg that was actually making the muffin a little less thick than I wanted it. By removing the eggs and replacing them with bananas (so 4 bananas instead of two), I have actually achieved the consistency of muffin that I wanted. Who knew?!

Introductory freakout

So...I guess a little introductory paragraph is necessary, right?
I'm Bridgette, I'm 28...I play video games for a living (that's right...there is a job that allows a person to do such a thing).

I am also pregnant for the first time. I guess this introductory paragraph is sort of my first freakout in a hard copy. I still don't understand what is going on, sometimes. Every time I write "I'm pregnant" my gut jumps and I want to cry. I'm so scared of this. It wasn't planned...in fact, if there were a onesie, I might get it. "Birth control fail". I considered aborting (and sometimes wonder why I didn't) when I first found out. But Dave is against abortion as birth control. I am, too...until I think about how much this scares me. I don't think it's really hit home for him. I keep flip-flopping between wonder and awe...there is a being inside me...OMG I'M GOING TO BE A MOTHER!?!!?

It scares me beyond belief. I am not ready for this emotionally. I am definitely NOT ready financially. My work has been amazing, as I am not receiving benefits and they are helping out in every way they can.

My family was not completely supportive when I first found out. My older sister has been trying to conceive for a few years. Her health problems have caused issues with this. My mom's first reaction when I told her (already nearly in tears), was to say "You know this will hurt your sister." As if I hadn't realized that and had gotten pregnant on purpose just to hurt her. She then proceeded to ask if we were getting married. I told her that I didn't really feel that I should get married just because I was pregnant. My aunt agreed, so that has been dropped. My older sister just bawled. Incoherently bawling alternated with silence. Talk about a less-than-happy event.

Oh...and Dave hasn't even told his family...I'm 20 weeks this week...his family still doesn't know that I'm pregnant. I had to ask him if they knew I was even a person. That isn't sitting well with me, either. I haven't met his family...and am starting to think I never will. I hope, someday, they at least know he has a kid.

Decided to try out blogging as a way to get things off my chest, since I don't journal and people aren't really understanding of hormonal preggos. We'll see how this goes.